| Author | Message | ||
| Cary
Intermediate Member Username: ponderlust Post Number: 403 Registered: 07-2005 |
Only the conifer seems oblivious to the northerly wind that comes to trick the deciduous into thinking their leaves are the petals of flowers coerced solely for a month-long session of she loves me, she loves me not. Like the conifer, I shall express an equal indifference for love's randomness and watch the rustling rain of success and failure fall all around me. C. Kelly (Message edited by ponderlust on November 07, 2005) | ||
| Dale McLain
Advanced Member Username: sparklingseas Post Number: 1533 Registered: 11-2004 |
Well, hello stranger! Good to see you. I like your clever poem... the end- a jewel. take care~dale | ||
| Cary
Intermediate Member Username: ponderlust Post Number: 406 Registered: 07-2005 |
Hi yourself Dale! Unfortunately, life put my creativity on restriction for a while. Hopefully this month will see me draining a few pens. Thanks for the read and the comments.  Cary... | ||
| Supafly
Advanced Member Username: supafly Post Number: 105 Registered: 11-2003 |
Wow, what a great metaphor! I'm just wondering why "of she loves, she loves me not" instead of "of she loves me, she loves me not" -Supafly | ||
| Teresa White
Valued Member Username: teresa_white Post Number: 228 Registered: 01-2005 |
Cary, Great use of extended metaphor and I love your close -- has a tinge of sadness to it along with the acceptance of fate. Enjoyed, Teresa | ||
| Cary
Intermediate Member Username: ponderlust Post Number: 407 Registered: 07-2005 |
Supa... Thanks immensely for your thoughts on this and for pointing out how I elided over the "me" in "she loves me". Purely an overzealous omission. Oops! Teresa... Glad you liked this. Acceptance isn't necessarily what I wanted to say in the ending. Indifference is a veneer and I do rely heavily on the word "seems" in S1. Maybe the resignation is too subtle? But then again subtlety is a pretty good friend of mine. Cary... | ||
| Penelope
Intermediate Member Username: penelope Post Number: 400 Registered: 07-2005 |
Cary, you're back! I've missed your poetry and your crits. This is a great comeback. What an apt metaphor and the tone...perfect. And Dale is right the end is a jewel. You certainly have been composting material while you were away. Penelope | ||
| Rhonda Maltbie
Member Username: rondalyn Post Number: 54 Registered: 04-2005 |
What to say? I love it. Great stuff. Rellay liked howyou compared the leaves to the petals of a flower. Nice. Rhonda | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 3293 Registered: 07-2002 |
Cary--well done! This is a sharp little poem that I thoroughly enjoyed. Best, ljc (and welcome back!) http://ljcbluemuse.blogspot.com/ | ||
| Cary
Intermediate Member Username: ponderlust Post Number: 408 Registered: 07-2005 |
Pen... So kind of you to make a fella feel missed. I hope not to be so scarce in the future as so many of you have become my partners in rhyme (you included). Thanks for the flattering comments and just so you know, I've composted lots of late... but the season for growth is a half cycle away. In the meanwhile, I guess I can play in the leaves and the snow. Rhonda... Pleased to meet you and glad you liked my metaphor. Look forward to snorkling through some of you work. LJ... Thanks for the "sharp" comment. Sometimes that happens when we hone a point (too much?). Thanks also for the WB. Cary... | ||
| ~M~
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 5789 Registered: 11-1998 |
Just where in the hell have you been, young man? Don't you know that when you disappear, we worry our asses off? Next time you're gone so long, we just might lock the door and take away your keys! There -- did I do my momma impression good enough? *LOL* Nice to have you back, hon. You were sorely missed. I see this with different breaks, Cary. Pardon me while I take liberties I shouldn't. You can always choose to ignore me, right? Only the conifer seems oblivious to the northerly wind that comes to trick the deciduous into thinking their leaves are the petals of flowers coerced solely for a month- long session of she loves me, she loves me not. Like the conifer, I shall express equal indifference for love's randomness, watch the rustling rain of success and failure fall all around me. Or maybe like this? Only the conifer seems oblivious to the northerly wind that comes to trick the deciduous into thinking their leaves are the petals of flowers coerced solely for a month- long session of she loves me, she loves me not. Like the conifer, I shall express equal indifference for love's randomness, watch the rustling rain of success and failure fall all around me. | ||
| Dan Cox
Valued Member Username: dcox56 Post Number: 104 Registered: 08-2005 |
Cary, Great to have you back. Some nice subtle sound work in this one. No criticisms, but I do like M's second suggested line breaks. WB. Dan | ||
| Cary
Intermediate Member Username: ponderlust Post Number: 414 Registered: 07-2005 |
M... You play motherator quite well I do apologize for pulling a Casper. I never intended to stay away so long and I certainly never wanted to worry anyone. This one does offer the chance for some crafty line breaks. I've written every revision differently with that in mind; some of them mirroring your suggestions. Maybe I'll tinker some more. Dan... Thanks on all accounts. Wild is definitely the Cheers of web sites. ;) Cary... | ||
| Emusing
Moderator Username: emusing Post Number: 2146 Registered: 08-2003 |
Great to read you again Cary! Welcome home. I'm loving those connifers. A lovely romp through the woods of love. E |
